


Why one should avoid annoying timelines or attracting their interest. (Dark version.)

by Foodmoon



Series: Oddball fics [15]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Darkish timeline, Edo Tensei Tobirama, How did this thing manage to end up fluffy?, It was a choice between this one and another one with Obito, M/M, Necromantic sex, Power Issues, This is not a darker version of Kakashi's story, Unsavory jutsus, no zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-12 19:51:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16002113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foodmoon/pseuds/Foodmoon
Summary: What happens when you annoy a timeline enough that it helps another timeline kidnap you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KittyWillCutYou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyWillCutYou/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Why Crossing Timelines is Hazardous to the Sanity of Others](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15876540) by [Foodmoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foodmoon/pseuds/Foodmoon). 



> This is a take-off of an Omake I wrote.  
> Dark version: Aka, this is not where I intended to take it if I wrote it out. It was supposed to be Obito trolling the world, not the reverse. Not sure I'll ever write out the other version, however. Also, it ended up weirdly a lot less explicit than I originally thought it was going to go with, given that my muse is a troll and was chanting 'necromantic sex' for several days.  
> So...this is where _my_ twisty brain took it.  
>  This is not bdsm, but there's some similarities in dynamics in Tobirama's and Obito's relationship. It is largely due to Tobirama being something of a control freak, and his circumstances basically aggravating it into something of a power kink. Obito's amenable to it because of his own circumstances, but being submissive is definitely a 'not my kink' thing for him.

Itchy Timeline: *Ah-Ah-AhCHOO!*

Uchiha-less Timeline: (snags sneezed Uchiha) *Thanks! Got him!*

At first, Obito thinks some enemy interfered with his Kamui, because where he ends up is _definitely not where he was going!_ But he quickly realizes that while he can still go _where_ he wants within the world and to some extent _when_ , leaving the timeline is… _impossible_. Every attempt meets with a pressure that he can’t quite define and… _fails_.

Still, he’s not one to give up. He tries again. And again. And again. He tries and tries and _tries_. Because he is an Uchiha and Uchihas are not allowed to fail.

On approximately the hundredth try, though, the pressure is accompanied by a very firm and chiding impression of _*No.*_ An impression of something so far from human that it leaves him cold and shaking, teeth chattering in the mild afternoon breeze and huddling on the ground too afraid to move for a few hours.

Or that could have been the abrupt chakra exhaustion. Hard to tell. The-The-The… _entity_ had somehow sucked out all his chakra in that single instant, leaving him no better off than an invalided civilian.

 _Apparently he is not allowed to leave_.

The problem, of course, is that he has no idea what the entity _wants_ from him. All attempts to talk to it to demand _or beg_ to know what the condition is that he needs to fulfill before leaving are met with _resounding silence_.

Three months of unnatural chakra exhaustion later, he finally resigns himself to the possibility that ‘not allowed to leave’ _is the condition_ , and he’s simply stuck here. He voices the thought aloud, because that seems like the thing to do. And _as simple as that_ his chakra is back, full force.

So, apparently, _he is not allowed to leave. EVER._

When he finally bothers to start checking out the situation of this world, given that he’s never _been here_ before, and is now stuck for the foreseeable future, the first thing he finds out is that the Uchiha and Senju clans are both extinct and have been since the Second Shinobi War.

Konoha gives him the _creeps_. The streets filled with resigned looking civilians and minor clan ninjas, with blank-eyed Hyuuga branch members and weary Naras wearing the symbol for _police_. A few Uzumakis here and there, all but oozing chakra, but looking like they’re really no happier to be here than Obito is. It’s horrible, making the rough and tumble Konoha of his childhood memories look like a paradise in comparison. He can’t leave fast enough.

 _No, really. He can’t leave fast enough_.

Because apparently, somewhere along the way, Tobirama Senju perfected the Edo Tensei to an eerie degree, and now rules as the undead Kage of Konoha because some poor desperate fool was crazy enough to sacrifice some traitorous Uzumaki to the jutsu and _summon him back_. Which is how Obito ends up in a place that reminds him of a cross between T &I and Orochimaru’s private lab, firmly restrained with his chakra suppressed to uselessness. With a really creepy dead guy poking and prodding at him like some inconsiderate med nin with no bedside manner, and remarking at how well-made he is and speculating about his fusion of bloodlines and who managed to get ahold enough DNA of both clans to ‘create’ him.

Quite honestly, Obito would tell him the truth of his origins _if he could_ , because the guy is downright terrifying, and he says that as someone who was trained by Madara and Black Zetsu and grew up an Uchiha orphan-outcast. But Tobirama the undead apparently isn’t interested in anything he has to say, because Obito is gagged with some sort of device that keeps him from closing his teeth together or talking. And it’s not removed even after Tobirama ascertains that he has no hidden suicide pill on his person.

At this point, Obito’s beginning to wonder if the Uchiha and Senju didn’t just commit suicide-by-enemy in _self-defense_.

It gets worse from there.

Tobirama moves on from muttering about how he’s put together to contemplating if he should replicate the experiment and then on to how he should best take him apart.

And okay, Madara had taken him apart and put him back together in order to keep him alive and make him functional, but at least he hadn’t been _awake_ for that part. Not to mention that Tobirama seems to have _no intention_ of putting him back together, and he can’t even protest because the _fucking bit_ in his mouth apparently has some engraved fuuinjutsu that prevents sound from escaping. So he thinks he can be forgiven for panicking like hell at that moment and jerking away so hard that he knocks over the chair he’s cuffed to in a useless attempt to get away.

It makes Tobirama pause and look at him curiously. “Ah. I presume you think being taken apart would kill you? If that’s your only concern, I can make sure it doesn’t. It would be just like sleeping.”

 _Oh, like that’s **so much better**!?_ He tries to inch away.

“Not the problem? Hm. I expect you’d prefer to not be taken apart?”

Obito nods _fervently_.

“Maa, maa, foreign prisoners, so picky these days.” Tobirama crouches down in front of him and uses a hand on his chin to turn his head this way and that. “Hm. I suppose I could use you to repopulate the Uchiha and Senju clans. The problem, of course, is that I can’t trust you. And with your dojutsu…well. Though I suppose that I could replace the slave seal on your heart with one of my own and keep you as a pet.”

_The **what** now!?_

Tobirama tsks. “Orochimaru would definitely give me a lecture on human rights if I didn’t give a prisoner at least that much autonomy of life choices.”

He almost chokes on his own tongue in surprise. _If **Orochimaru**_ _is the arbiter of the Hokage’s conscience this timeline is screwed!_ Because to his knowledge, Orochimaru’s idea of ‘autonomy of choice’ involves simply whether one is experimented on willingly or unwillingly.

To his surprise, Tobirama lays a hand on his chest and does _something_ and he feels…a _restriction_ fall away, along with a good portion of his wild anger at the injustice of the world and his burning will to enact revenge on _his_ Konoha, and- He just- He doesn’t get it.

“There. Whatever commands were enforced on you by the owner of that seal are gone now, though it may take a while for your emotions to settle back to what they were beforehand.” Tobirama cocks his head. “Oh. You’re a natural born Uchiha? Interesting. I couldn’t tell with the seal active. Also, impossible, because all the Uchihas died before I did. Where are you from?”

“Differen’ timelime.” He slurs around the gag, then blinks as he realizes that _he answered aloud_. Oh. It’s the first actual question addressed to him that he’s _attempted_ to answer aloud. Maybe the gag just prevents anything that isn’t a direct answer to a question.

But wait. How can his feelings of revenge towards Konoha be a command? The only one to talk to him about revenge had been Madara and- _Madara_. Who had taken him apart and put him back together. Whom he had trusted despite him being a known traitor to Konoha. Whom he had told of his love for Rin and his rivalry with Kakashi. _No. That can’t-_

He flinches as Tobirama rights his chair, taking him with it.

“So, little timelost Uchiha, as interesting as you are, the only real value you have is as an experiment. I’ve already figured out how to recreate the Uchiha line should I deem it necessary, and the Uzumaki are close enough to the Senju to fill that niche. Analyzing you will give me enough data to recreate the Senju as well, should I wish to. As I’ve said, the process will not kill you. However, since you appear to object to that, I will give you an option. If you choose to accept a loyalty seal similar to the one I just removed, but keyed to me instead, and a conditional seal on your dojutsu so that you can only use it under my orders or in self-defense, and do your utmost to repopulate the Senju and Uchiha clans, I will leave aside dissecting you in favor of allowing you to be my lover.”

Obito’s brain stalls. _Allo- Lov- What!?_

“And by lover, I mean you would be submissive to my whims and needs. So. Which will it be, little timelost? Experiment or lover?”

 _Oh kami, oh kami, oh kami!_ He has…no idea how to deal with this. Those choices… _No, just no._ But his tongue apparently has an opinion it didn’t let him in on, because he hears himself saying, “Luhver.”

Tobirama gives him a look like he’s a particularly interesting species of insect, then nods sharply. It will take a bit of time to make sure the seals are tailored to your physiology.”

Then he just…walks out. Leaving Obito to hope that someone at least decides to feed him before he starves to death. _Fuck his life._

~

A week later, Obito is almost ready to beg to be an experiment after all if it convinces his stomach that his throat hasn’t been cut. He barely opens his eyes as he feels his shirt being cut off and numbly watches as a seal is painted on his chest. Closes them again as the brush moves to paint a seal on his forehead and temples. Only grimaces and wets his too dry lips with a too dry tongue after the gag bit is removed. Winces slightly at the renewed chakra moving through deprived limbs as the suppressant cuffs are removed from wrists and ankles.

“Come.”

He manages to get to his feet before his head starts spinning and the world tilts nauseatingly. A strong arm catches him, and there’s some muttering he doesn’t follow before he’s lifted to lie limply over someone’s shoulder. Though he appears to be sharing it with some furry animal that has kindly refrained from scratching him.

“Swwy, kitty.” He mumbles.

“Are you apologizing to my fur collar?” An amused voice rumbles under his tummy, sounding a bit incredulous.

“Dinn’t mean t’ lay on y’ kitty.” Obito sniffles and wipes his face on the conveniently nearby shirt.

The shirt laughs. “I think you might be the most adorable thing I’ve seen since factory sliced bread.”

It’s startling that shirts can laugh and talk, but it makes sense that shirts would think things like bread are adorable. But- “Bwead is _nommy_ , no’ cute.” He articulates firmly, just so the shirt won’t be taken off guard if it sees him eating bread.

Obito isn’t quite sure how long it is before something smacks his bottom and says, “If I feed you, will you quit singing about bread?”

“‘m not singin’.” He protests. _Surely he’d know if he was, right?_

The shirt sighs, sounding annoyed.

Then the world spins like _whee!_ But less fun. And he finds himself sitting on a stool with a bowl of ramen in front of him. _Oh kami, food!_ His hands are shaking so hard that he spills some of it, but he downs the ramen as fast as he can manage. “Un. Thanks, ramen man.”

The shop owner smiles at him, “The name is Teuchi. And who might you be?”

He nods seriously. “I’m Obito. An’ Shirt-san thinks sliced bread is cute, and the kitty is nice cuz it didn’t scratch when I laid on it when I didn’t mean to.”

Teuchi looks puzzled, then looks at the silverhaired man sitting beside him. “What did you do to him?”

The silver haired man grimaces and he’s reminded of Kakashi, the genius bastard. “I apparently forgot to feed him for a week and then released his chakra. He may be a little chakra-high at the moment, but the ramen should help it wear off faster.”

 _Chakra-high?_ That means he has too much, right? “I can absorb chakra.” He confides. “And give it away, too! Do you need some chakra, Teuchi Ramen-san?”

The ramen maker gives him a surprised look, then shakes his head. “No. Thank you for the offer, Obito, but I’m not a ninja.”

“Time to go, Obito. My thanks, Teuchi-san.” The silver haired man stands and pulls Obito to stand too.

“My pleasure, Hokage-sama.” Teuchi beams.

Obito ends up stumbling after Hokage-sama, unable to keep up quite, but equally unable to resist the firm grip on his wrist that insists he follow in a timely manner.

~

He goes from befuddled bemusement to a sharper confusion over the course of several moments; he doesn’t recognize this room. Obito realizes that he’s petting something, pauses and looks down to find that he’s sitting on a couch with Tobirama’s fur yoke is in his lap. Blinking at it, he suddenly recalls his behavior on the trip here and groans. “Oh kami! Just kill me now.”

“I assume from your tone that you are being specious in a reaction to embarrassment, and do not actively wish to die.”

Obito yelps and flails and finds Tobirama sitting at a small table, scroll in hand, looking at him curiously. Flushing, he snags the fur before it can finish sliding off and hit the floor, and lays it carefully over one of the arms of the sofa. “Um. I- Sorry for inconveniencing you. Earlier. Hokage-sama.”

Madara would be appalled at him reverting to his clumsy pre-Rin’s death self, but then, Madara had wanted a tool to help him destroy Konoha, not a living sex toy. _Surely, surely, Rin’s death wasn’t- No._ And he’s helpless here, with no way to rebel or run away. His freedom given over in return for not becoming a collection of parts with lingering awareness.  He _was_ raised with manners, even if he never quite got the hang of them.

The undead Senju, though, just makes a sound of amusement. “You will address me as Tobirama. You are _mine_ , not Konoha’s.”

Obito doesn’t get what difference that makes, but he’s grateful enough; he never was any good at remembering titles.

“Tobirama.” He repeats obediently. Then gets to his feet and approaches when Tobirama makes a lazy ‘come here’ gesture. Walking makes him dizzy, still weak from a week of no food, though at least he’d been given water and bathroom breaks by what he presumed was a guard or assistant over the course of his imprisonment. He’s not sure, but he _thinks_ that’s how he ends up kneeling, clutching dizzily at Tobirama’s knees.

“Do you remember what you agreed to?”

He blinks up at Tobirama and nods jerkily. “To be your whore.”

“No.” Tobirama says sharply enough that he flinches back. “Whores service anyone who pays. You’re _mine_ , not a whore.”

“I…don’t understand.” He admits in a small voice, because whoring himself to one or to many, what difference does it make in terminology? Besides, wasn’t part of their agreement that he sire a bunch of children?

Tobirama’s laugh is harsh and ugly. “No? I suppose you wouldn’t. Uchihas are proud creatures, after all. It’s very simple, really. When they summoned me back, the Uzumaki traitor they used as a sacrifice started to slip free and whatever it was that he tried changed the summoning irrevocably. I can’t release myself from it. We eventually figured out that only the original summoner or their blood relatives could release it, but by that time she had fallen in battle and her clan has a vested interest in keeping me around as Hokage. So it won’t release until I live out the natural span of this body. Unfortunately, instead of being a simple Uzumaki lifespan or adding my own natural span to that of the Uzumaki’s, the jutsu works as a multiplier.” He sneers, an odd expression on his sharp angled face. “I cannot go to my rest, but _they_ cannot touch what is mine. And you are _mine_. Aren’t you, Obito?”

Obito’s eyes widen and he knows, _knows_ , he cannot cry, cannot afford to in this moment. And yet. He feels his lashes dampen and moisture trail down his cheeks. _Is Tobirama even sane?_ Somehow this timeline continues to manage to be worse than his own and the others he’s visited. As much as he’s hated his own clan, he never thought he’d feel pity for one of the Senju. To give himself over willingly to ease the other’s suffering. But-

“Yes.” He chokes out. “I’m yours, Tobirama. Only yours.”

It’s probably the seal, he tries to reassure himself, but deep inside he knows that is a lie. This is the part of him that would stop to help old ladies home and kittens stuck in trees, and is inexplicably attracted to even the backhanded approval of cold, sharp-tongued, genius bastards with silver hair.

Honestly, he expects to be fucked within an inch of his life after saying that, but Tobirama’s eyes soften and he merely pets Obito’s hair, murmuring soft, senseless praises. Like he’s a child or a dog. But…praise is something he’s had very little of in his life and he can’t help but bask in it.

~

He keeps expecting it and it keeps not happening. Sometimes Tobirama touches him intimately, lean fingers exploring the inside of his mouth or other parts of his body, but it never moves past that. Nine months in, Obito can’t even bring himself to be bothered by the notion. Even though he likes women _(or at least Rin)_ , even though he doesn’t have an attraction to men, with Tobirama definitions lose meaning. It’s not quite arousal, but neither his body nor mind would protest sex with Tobirama now. He relaxes these days when Tobirama touches him, because he can’t not. Obito’s pledged himself to Tobirama, out of necessity, out of pity, but nothing in him regrets it now.

The man is oddly sentimental in some ways, and had even gone out of his way to obtain the fluffiest and laziest white non-nin kitten in existence as a pet for Obito. As far as Obito is concerned, Bloody Reaper is the best pet ever. Tobirama had merely chuckled at the name and agreed that the kitten was indeed a fierce reaper of innocent feather pillows. Even though he mostly accomplishes this by sleeping on them with his claws firmly hooked into them so he can’t be picked up without taking the pillow along with him. Obito is _not discussing_ where the ‘bloody’ part of the name came from, because it was _that embarrassing_.

~

When it finally happens, it is unexpected. Tobirama leans over and kisses him lightly, then draws back, eyeing his expression for a moment before going back to kissing, much more firmly this time. It’s not rough, like he had feared at the beginning, nor gentle like Tobirama often is with him, but it is controlling. Somehow that’s no surprise at all. For someone who owns the power of life and death over an entire village, Tobirama lacks control over a key aspect of his own existence, the ability to choose his own death and make it stick. Obito is fairly sure that being controlling in a relationship is just…Tobirama, but he’s also sure the situation aggravates the tendency to something most wouldn’t be comfortable with. He knows that if not for the seal ensuring his loyalty, if not for the fact that he’s _Uchiha_ and willing to burn the world down for what he’s devoted to, he too would be disturbed by it. Tobirama is _Tobirama_ but Obito is just a regular guy with no particular kinks. Not that he’s had much chance to explore kinks, given how his life has gone, but the point still stands.

Obito _should_ be disturbed by Tobirama, but he isn’t. Tobirama is still the same callous undead who captured him and talked about dissecting him into parts, but he’s also the man who steps out of his cold demeanor to pet and praise Obito for things that by rights he should find enraging, who found him the laziest civilian cat ever simply because Obito likes the texture of fur under his fingers. Who once locked Obito in his room and insisted on hand feeding him for a _week_ in a fit of irritation that Obito had casually taken off his shirt in front of a medic. Who laughs when he ignores the scandalized corrections from council members and clan heads and simply calls him by name. When it comes down to it, Tobirama’s just a man, and just as much Obito’s as Obito is his. An Uchiha’s loyalty is not without consequence.

~

He whines as Tobirama stills his wandering hands and firmly places them in his own hair so he _can’t touch_ , but obeys the unspoken command. Shivers into the kisses as he is undressed, pants against Tobirama’s shoulder as clever hands stroke and caress bare skin. Doesn’t resist as he is guided down to knees and elbows, Tobirama bent over him. Shudders and gasps for breath when Tobirama says against his ear,

“Beg. Beg me to fuck you, to fill you full of kits.”

His pride stirs. “What am I? A cat?”

“Hm. More like a little black bunny who would die of sadness if your master neglected to give you enough attention. _Beg.”_

His pride stirs, because _Uchihas do not beg_. But he knows Tobirama _needs_ this. He shuts away thoughts of pride and obeys.

Later, breathing slowed to normal finally, too languid to protest Tobirama’s weight just yet, he asks, “What did you do to me?”

Tobirama lifts his head enough to look at him, then gives a short laugh. “I was very, very angry after I discovered that the Hyuuga had no intention of releasing me. I may have developed a number of very questionable jutsus in retaliation. This particular one makes males effectively half female until they give birth. A good half of the Hyuugas in your generation were carried by their ‘fathers’, and almost all of those are only half-breed Hyuugas. Not only them, of course. It’s a remarkably good way to get stubborn shinobi to reproduce. And an excellent terror tactic when dealing with prisoners. Konoha gained a number of excellent bloodlines that way before the other villages got intimidated enough to make treaties and actually keep them. Though the practice was discontinued after Orochimaru pointed out that it was giving Konoha a very unsavory reputation.”

Obito blinks a few times. “You used a terror tactic on me?”

“No, no. Just because it was _used_ as a terror tactic doesn’t mean it _is_ a terror tactic.  And I told you I wouldn’t be sharing. How else did you expect to uphold that half of your bargain?” Tobirama says lazily.

Obito _boggles_ , because _what!?_ Then he remembers that this is the man who _invented_ Edo Tensei because it was a good tactic to clear a battleground. And later banned it as a kinjutsu. Also, he hasn’t missed the implication that it’s still used on allies, even if it’s not used on enemies any more. Tobirama wouldn’t still use it if he considered it a terror tactic. Probably. He has no reason to lie to him either, given that Obito’s opinion really means nothing in this matter. So, a prank jutsu turned to practical use.

“If I give birth to rabbits, I’m blaming you.” he mutters.

Tobirama rolls off of him and proceeds to _giggle_.

He rolls his eyes, then blinks. “Wait, can you even impregnate someone? I mean, you’re basically a dead man, right?”

The giggles turn into howls of laughter until Tobirama collects himself enough to answer. “Technically, I’m a spirit trapped in living flesh by way of DNA and chakra overwrite. So, yes, I can. Though the genetic contribution will be a combination of Uzumaki and my own, and it’s largely unpredictable how much a given child will inherit of one or the other.”

“Huh.” He considers the odd mixing of genetics their children will have for a time before it finally hits him. “Wait. _You turned me into a woman!?”_

This simply sends Tobirama back into fits of laughter.

~

Meeting Kakashi again stops him cold. He hadn’t seen him or heard mention of him, so he’d just _assumed_ that there was no Kakashi in this timeline. There’s still a scar over his eye, but this one cuts sideways, over the nose, obviously having missed taking out the eye. The cold-eyed bastard doesn’t recognize him, of course, because there was no _Obito_ born in this timeline. Still, he can’t help but let the words slip out, “Do you kill friends in _this_ timeline, too, bastard?”

Something like interest sparks in the apathetic gaze. “Timelines? Playing with kinjutsus again, Hokage?”

Obito doesn’t miss the lack of actual answer, nor the low-key lack of friendliness _(even by the bastard’s standards)_ towards Tobirama. _Bastard._ Tobirama’s hand lifts and comes down over the back of his neck just heavily enough to convey disapproval and a quick glance at his flat expression has Obito tearing his gaze away from Kakashi to focus on his toes. Apparently he is giving Kakashi too much attention for Tobirama’s taste. _He’ll have to explain later that it’s not friendly attention or attraction, it’s…well, he’s not sure what it is now that he’s not sure if- No. No, even if that’s true, Kakashi still killed Rin. It can’t be true._

“I’m afraid you’re both mistaken.” Tobirama’s tone is even. “Kakashi-kun merely blames me for the death of his father. He is an exemplary ninja and a great asset to Konoha. And my Uchiha simply wandered into Konoha without permission. I am not fool enough to play with timelines, Kakashi-kun.”

He notes the lack of protest at the diminutive, and how the silence thickens sharply. “His father’s death? Why? For sending him on the mission?”

The White Fang had committed suicide after being ostracized for a mission gone wrong that had kicked off a war in his timeline. Was it different here?

Kakashi favors him with a brief look of scorn that he pretends not to see out of the corner of his eyes.

Tobirama sighs. “No. When I put a stop to Danzo Shimura’s machinations, it did not occur to me that some of his followers would go after Sakumo. Being a bit over seven months pregnant, he was unable to fully defend himself. The child was saved but Sakumo bled to death, orphaning Kakashi and his three younger sisters.”

Obito chokes so hard he ends up coughing, tears at the corners of his eyes, staring at Kakashi in slightly horrified disbelief. Finally he sputters out, “ _This bastard_ has _siblings!?”_

Kakashi eye smiles at him obnoxiously over the mask. “Maa, maa, and here it was my understanding that Uchihas were a dignified clan.”

“Why wouldn’t he have siblings?” Tobirama asks, sounding baffled.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because Sakumo Hatake _committed suicide when Kakashi-teme was five!?”_

“What?” Kakashi says flatly.

Obito flails. “People blamed him for starting the war by saving his teammates instead of completing his mission. Then _you_ graduated early, and we ended up on the same team, and then there was Kannabi Bridge and you _promised_ to look after Rin for me because I was dying, and then you _killed_ her. I saw you do it.”

Kakashi gives him a long look like he’s thinks Obito is slow, then takes a pointed step back. “Maa, maa, you don’t look dead to me, and Rin is a well-respected medic nin when she’s not taking time off to pop out another one of her brats.”

“Well, of course I’m not dead! Zetsu and Madara Uchiha saved me. It’s why I look like this!” He gestures at his ugly, too white side.

“Madara Uchiha died defending Hashirama Senju in the First Ninja War.” Kakashi says unequivocally.

“In this timeline, yeah! But in mine everyone thought he died fighting Hashirama at the Valley of the End. Just…he survived. And saved my life. And taught me how to fight after you killed Rin and…” He trails off as he realizes that telling them he’d wanted to destroy Konoha and had participated in the slaughter of his own clan after turning the Kyuubi on Konoha is hardly something that’s likely gain trust. More like a trip to T&I. He really, _really_ wants to avoid a trip to T &I.

Kakashi just stares at him for a long, long moment, then says, “Hokage-sama” in a tone Obito can’t quite identify and disappears, leaving a twirling leaf behind to float to the floor.

Obito just… _What was that?_ He gives up and makes an irked noise.

Tobirama chuckles. “Never change. You’re adorable.”

“What did I _dooo!?_ That bastard _never_ makes sense! _Arrrgh!”_ He tugs at his hair in frustration.

“I think you may have convinced him to forgive me.” Tobirama says in a tone of mild amusement with a note of being impressed. “I believe others have tried, and failed in the endeavor.”

Obito gawks at him, because really? _Really!?_ It figures the bastard would only listen to him when he’s not actually trying to convince him to be human. “He _really_ has three younger siblings?”

“Saa, four, actually. After his execution, Shimura’s son was given to the Hatake clan in compensation for involving them in his attempt to put Konoha back at war again. He’s a few months older than Kakashi-kun’s youngest sister.”

 _“Four…”_ Obito wonders if passing out would be an appropriate response to learning that his cold, egotistical teammate is basically both older brother and acting father to four innocent human beings. And one of them is the spawn of that creepy councilor who had plotted out the slaughter of the Uchiha clan with smug, self-righteous words. He knows he’s no better _(he was involved too, working for a goal of a better future too)_ , but he had been acting as an enemy of Konoha, not deluding himself that it was for the _betterment_ of Konoha to all but wipe out one of their strongest bloodlines.

“Easy, little rabbit. Down you go.”

Obito blinks at him in puzzlement, then realizes that he’s somehow on his knees behind the desk and Tobirama is seating himself and… _oh, he had almost passed out for real._ He hides his embarrassed face against Tobirama’s leg, safely hidden from casual view by the massive desk. _This timeline is going to be the death of him yet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyuugas: Yeah, it was a Hyuuga who was desperate enough to resort to Edo Tensei. When she died, her clan was practical enough to weigh the stability and safety of Konoha against Tobirama's wishes and decide that Konoha comes first. They still haven't changed their minds, even a couple generations down the road. They pay the penalty of Tobirama's off and on spite for this, but judge it an acceptable price to pay. Incidentally, Tobirama's first bout of spite resulted in about twice as many Hyuugas in the Hiashi-Kakashi age range as would be in canon _(not that canon ever mentions numbers)_ before Tobirama accepted that it wasn't going to change their minds. All of the half-Hyuugas got put into the branch families, but Tobirama forced the main family to modify the seal so it can't be used directly for control/torture. The Hyuuga women thought the whole thing was hilarious and the men involved still get teasing comments from them, such as a faux-sympathetic _"Morning sickness?"_ when they show up with a hangover.
> 
> Danzo having a kid: Honestly? Fearing for one's life isn't something terrible. Danzo's problem was that he allowed that self-knowledge to twist him in bad ways. Even though my first reaction is that I want the Shimura clan wiped out because they'd all be like him, that's realistically quite unlikely. His father and brothers died in combat, the clan had a good reputation, so it's really a tragedy that Danzo of all people was the last of the clan. I find it plausible that Tobirama would be likely to think that the Shimura clan needed to be continued and use the easy route to achieve that, aka the jutsu. _(Have some pity on the poor kid. He's only half-Shimura by genetics, and was raised entirely Hatake. He's not going to be the same as a true-born Hatake, but he's not going to be the same as Danzo either.)_ I also find it likely that Tobirama would be unwilling to tolerate Danzo's interference; unlike Hiruzen, Tobirama is not an overly sentimental man and would not brush off things that are basically traitorous. Remember, this is the guy who invented Edo Tensei so he could use captured enemies and dead allies as a mobile chain bomb to clear a battlefield. Who, instead of using his speed to slice up enemies, was more likely to mark them with his Hiraishin mark _(nothing quite like turning an enemy into a target-at-will)_ and plastering them with paper bombs. 'The Thunder God' a little explosive-happy? _Nahhhh!_ lol.
> 
> Kakashi: Tobirama's presence changed the timeline as much as the absence of the Senju and Uchiha did. Sakumo's mission-gone-wrong didn't happen until Kakashi was twelve. As a result, his relationship with his father was on solid ground, he had two younger sisters to fuss over and teach, and didn't rush through Academy as fast and was still a chunin when in the aftermath of Danzo's rather curt trial, some Root operatives decided that if nothing else, they could at least accomplish the goal of taking out the White Fang and retrieving Danzo's son. They failed spectacularly, but in the aftermath, only one medic was able to get to Sakumo in time and he was bleeding badly enough that there was no chance to save both him and the baby, and Sakumo chose the baby.  
> So Kakashi, at the grand age of 12, was stuck raising a less than year old brother he hadn't quite accepted yet, a preemie sister with the accompanying health concerns, and 7yr and 3yr old sisters. While he did hate Tobirama for a while, blaming him for Sakumo's death, he's long since accepted that doing so is childish and actually rather respects him. However, he's petty enough to keep up the pretense and not bother to clarify, because it doesn't seem to bother Tobirama much and it provokes the most amusing lectures from others. Obito's rant edifies him that Tobirama actually improved his life greatly, just by being there at all, and it sparks just enough guilt to make him drop the petty act.  
> Incidentally, Tobirama's eventually going to have to give up as a lost cause keeping the two from interacting, because Kakashi has determined that Obito is a _new and excellent_ source of amusement. _(Kakashi also doesn't read porn in public, because he's the sole parental figure for his four siblings, and he has more important things to do with his time than troll Konoha with his apparent perversion. Although on missions...who's to say? haha)_ He also didn't make jounin until 16 because he was too busy.


	2. Plot? What plot? There's no plot here. If there was, it ambled off into the sunset and died a fiery death.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi and kids and Obito.

Kakashi staggers slightly as Kumakichi hits him from the side, not having seen the boy coming, which is a measure of his distraction, given that throwing himself bodily at Kakashi is his younger brother’s standard greeting. And whatever the paternal line…well, he’d say Akamichi if genetic tests hadn’t disproved that, but definitely a large-bodied bloodline.

“Nii-sama! You’re late! I thought you weren’t coming!”

As if he’d ever miss his brother’s graduation to genin. “Maa, maa, Hokage-sama wanted to introduce me to a new to- er, acquaintance.”

Kumakichi leans back to peer up at him consideringly. “Are you going to play mind games with them like you do with Gai-nii?”

“Saa…”

His little brother grins. “You are! And since when do you call the Hokage ‘Hokage-sama’?”

“Maa, maa, it was time. Where’s Tsurumi-chan?”

“Sulking in the bathroom because she can’t graduate until next year.” Kuma’ says, wrinkling his nose.

Tsuru’ is even smaller than avg. for a Hatake her age, but she’s even more aggressive than her older sisters about proving herself, and she has not taken being denied the chance to skip a year very well. And the three of them make Kakashi at that age look _laid back_. The cute little brats.

He ducks on reflex as something flies through the air at his head, then snags Tsuru out of midair so she doesn’t get hurt because he dodged.

“Nii-sama, it’s not _faiiiir!_ I’m just as good as Kuma! I should be able to graduate too! How come you got to graduate early and I _caaaan’t!?”_ She wails, sobbing into his shoulder.

 _Oh, dear._ He sighs and pats her back soothingly. _He knew he should have gotten Gai to deal with them today_. “You know the doctors are still concerned about you straining your chakra coils too soon.”

“Bu-But-But- _It’s not faiiir!”_

“Maa, maa, little bird, who ever told you a ninja’s life was fair?”

She makes a sulky noise, but at least quits wailing between sobs, sniffling dramatically instead.

“Guess what, little bird? Hokage-sama got himself a lover.”

Tsuru’s head jerks up and she stares at him wide-eyed before saying, “I didn’t think you were ever gonna forgive him for otousan’s death.”

Kakashi sighs again. That was not the response he was hoping for. His brats are too sharp for their own good. “Saa, I forgave him a long time ago. I just didn’t want to admit it. And someone pointed out that I might not have my cute little siblings if not for him.”

She gives him a skeptical look. “People have pointed that out before.”

“Hai…but none of them were from another timeline where it actually _did_ happen that way.”

Both his youngest siblings stare at him, then Tsuru bursts into real tears. “Nooo! I want you to be my nii-sama in every time!”

Kumakichi grasps uneasily at his sleeve, far better at containing himself than Tsurumi is. “Me, too, nii-sama.”

“Eternal Riva-! …What did you do this time, Kakashi?”

“Maa, maa, Gai, why must it be my fault?” Kakashi retorts before stuffing both children into Gai’s arms and shunshinning away from all the emotion before the pair of them can make _him_ cry, too. Gai will cry enough for both of them, after all.

~

He opens the door in time to hear Torako screaming at Shishimi, “You can’t get married! You won’t be a Hatake anymore if you get married!”

Kakashi cringes, closes the door without entering, and tries to figure out where to hide next. _Ah, the la-_ The door opens and Shishimi grabs him by the collar and hauls him inside before he can escape.

“Tell this stupid midget that I can get married if I want and I’ll still be a Hatake!”

He flails for a moment, regains his balance, then gives a dignified huff and detaches Shishimi’s hand from the neck of his shirt. “Maa, maa, don’t call your sister names, Shishi-chan. And Tora-chan, Shishi-chan can just adopt her husband into the clan. Not that she’s getting married until she’s _forty_ , mind you- Ow!”

“I’ll get married when I want to, _nii-sama_.”

“Maa, maa, fine. Just quit beating up on your poor old brother.” _Where’s Gai when he needs him? Oh, wait. He has the two crying ones. Nevermind._ He edges towards the door, then sighs in defeat when Shishimi snakes out a hand and clamps down on his shirt collar again.

“Twenty-four is hardly _old_ , nii-sama. I’m going to-”

Kakashi covers his ears because he doesn’t want to know which man is going to defile his little sister, then for good measure closes his eyes so he can’t lip read it either. _The trauma!_ _His little Shishi-chan is still a good, sweet, pure child who will never grow up and never learn what sex is and-_ His teeth rattle as she shakes him hard enough to get his attention. He opens one eye cautiously.

“-Genma.” He sees her say.

His other eye pops open in shock. _“What!? No!_ He’s your half-brother! You can’t _marry him!”_

Shishimi rolls her eyes and then drags one hand away from an ear. “As I was saying, I’m having Ensui over for dinner so he can meet you and Genma. I need you to bring Genma, because he runs when he sees Torako, and I don’t have time to track him down before my gate duty shift.”

“Ensui?” He blinks at her blankly.

“Nara.” She clarifies.

It takes him a moment to place the man, then he scowls. “He’s older than me! By like a decade! He’s too old for you!”

She snorts. “More like half a decade. And I don’t recall asking your opinion about his age _, nii-sama.”_

He sighs again. “Maa, maa, fine. I’ll send Pakkun to find him. Tora-chan, don’t be like your nee-chan. No dating until you’re _ninety. At least.”_

Predictably this results in a shriek of outrage from Torako that makes him wince, but he ignores in favor of summoning Pakkun. Emotive people are so demanding.

~

Obito squawks and flails when Kakashi comes out of _nowhere_ and puts his face close before _sniffing_. “What the hell, teme!?”

“You smell…pregnant. I guess that’s why Hokage-sama called you his.” Kakashi states, nimbly stepping out of flailing range.

He glowers and pouts, crossing his arms, because _really?_ “You could have just asked, teme.”

“Maa, maa, what’s the fun in that? Besides, I don’t know you, so how would I know if you’re lying or not?” Kakashi says in a highly amused tone, which is just _wrong_ coming from the uptight bastard, both eyes smirking at Obito over his mask.

Obito stares, then rubs his temples, blinks a few times, and stares some more. “Wait. You have a sense of humor?”

“I normally keep it very well hidden.” Kakashi says, deadpan.

He scowls. “There is _no way_ you have a sense of humor, teme.”

“Maa, maa, that’s not a very nice thing to say, now is it?”

“Like _you_ have any room to talk about not being nice!?”

Kakashi’s expression flattens for a moment and he studies Obito with an unnervingly intent stare. Then he shrugs. “I’m not the Kakashi you were teammates with. It would probably help you to remember that. Saa, I don’t mind either way, so if you can’t, that’s fine. But I probably won’t react like you seem to be expecting me to.”

Obito opens his mouth to respond, then closes it, uncertain to how to reply. Because Kakashi is right. He literally cannot picture his teammate Kakashi raising _any_ child, much less four. He can’t even picture the Kakashi he went to school with sharing his father’s attention. That they look almost identical, speak similarly and have the same name does not help him differentiate the two _at all_. Asking Kakashi to change his hairstyle is a lost cause, given he knows from his timeline’s Kakashi that the stuff is unmanageable worn any other way, and the same reason goes for how he wears his hitai-ate. Asking Kakashi to not _sound_ like Kakashi when he speaks is utterly pointless. Still… “Yeah, whatever, teme. Get out of my face.”

“Maa, maa, no need to be ru-” Kakashi begins, sounding far too amused to be actually offended. But Obito’s eyes widen as a mini-Kakashi hurtles towards them, takes a flying leap, plasters against Kakashi’s shoulders, then uses his hair to scramble up onto his shoulders, distracting him from finishing his sentence. Kakashi peers up at the child. “Hi, little bird. Why aren’t you with Shishi-chan?”

“She had to take an extra shift at the hospital. And I don’t want to go, nii-sama! Cuz that mean nurse always wants to give me another checkup!”

He realizes, a bit belatedly, that the child is a girl.

“And did Shishi-chan give you permission to come find me?”

Apparently this hits home because the girl pouts and hides her face in his hair. “No, but she knows I saw you.”

 _“TSURUMI HATAKE! You get back here RIGHT NOW!”_ Another silver haired girl bellows, rounding a distant corner.

“Saa, really now? It’s not good to lie, Tsuru-chan. You’ll make your poor nii-sama sad.”

“But I don’t want to go!” she wails, then looks alertly at Obito. “Nii-sama, is this Hokage-sama’s lover? I thought you meant a girl.”

Obito flushes, embarrassed, but it’s not like he won’t have to deal with assumptions and questions eventually. So far no one’s asked because he’s been either at home or in Tobirama’s presence. Though it begs the question of how Kakashi managed to find him during the short time he’s _not_.

“Saa, he got jutsued. Don’t change the subject, little bird. What you did to your nee-chan is _not nice_ , and your lying could use some work as well.”

“Don’t most people just tell their kids not to lie?” He wonders aloud.

Kakashi gives him a puzzled look. “Why would I do that? We’re ninja. The ability to lie well can be the difference between life and death on a mission.”

He blinks a few times, because he’s pretty sure _he_ had only been told not to lie by his clan members in the past. The problem, of course, with that, is that his stupid excuses _had never been_ lies. “Huh. Maybe that’s why they got mad at me.”

_“Tsurumi Hatake, you little gaji!”_

Kakashi flinches minutely, and the older girl apologizes. “Urgh, sorry, nii-sama. Didn’t mean to hurt your ears. We had a _block_ left to the hospital when she got away. Can you tell her to behave? I’m going to be late to my shift if I have to chase her down again.”

“Don’t worry about it, Shishi-chan. I’ve got the day off, so I’ll watch her. Don’t work too hard.”

“Hai. Thanks, nii-sama!” She grabs his collar and leans up to buss his cheek before running back the way she came.

 _He is never going to be able to see Kakashi the same way again_. This Kakashi is more like his dim memories of Sakumo than the skinny, cold-eyed, harsh-tongued teammate of his own timeline.

~

Kakashi pauses to _stare_ at Obito in mild horror, then slides into the booth across from him. “What, exactly, are you eating?”

Obito glares at him between bites, not even bothering to flail for once, which is a little disappointing given how spastic the man is and Kakashi always gets a laugh out of it. “Icecream with roe and treacle and cheese over barbequed pork. Got a problem with it?”

 _Right. He knows the answer to this one._ “Not at all. Weird cravings are normal, as I understand it.”

“Hmph.” Obito goes back to eating like his life depends on it.

“Should you, ah, be out on your own while this far along?” He enquires delicately. The man looks like he’s about ten months along, which Kakashi doesn’t _think_ is right, but you never know.

 _“Shut it, teme!”_ Obito flat out snarls.

 _Okay, then. Not delicate enough, it seems._ “Maa, maa, no need to be so tetchy. I’ll mind my own business.”

“You couldn’t mind your own business if it _bit you_ , teme.”

“Saa… It’s like you know me or something.”

Obito growls. Why, it’s almost threatening. “It would be hard _not_ to know you, given you’ve spent the last seven months _stalking_ me.”

Kakashi places a hand over his heart and says dramatically, “You wound me!”

“Good.”

Suddenly, Obito drops his spoon, looking constipated and a little frightened, and a wave of smell hits Kakashi’s very sensitive nose.

“Saa, now… Aren’t you glad you aren’t out on your own right now?”

If anything, Obito looks more frightened, and hisses quietly, “It’s too soon! I’m only just over seven months along!”

Remembering all too well how they’d almost lost Tsurumi several times after her premature birth, all humor drops off of Kakashi’s face. Rising, he pulls Obito to his feet, then lifts him and shunshins to the hospital emergency room. _No way_ is he letting his newest ~~playtoy~~ friend lose his child if he can help it.

~

Seven hours later, Kakashi is handed a still-a-bit-bloody newborn and a soft cloth as the medics turn their attention back to Obito because _apparently_ the reason the man had looked so big and gone into labor early is because he’s having _twins_ and the medics are far more concerned about the second twin than making sure the first one is fussed over once determining that the first one is healthy enough to survive on his own.

Lord Hokage had stormed in at the two and half hour mark when someone had finally thought to inform him, and taken over Kakashi’s place in getting his hand squeezed painfully by a distraught Obito. Since the medics are busy trying to stabilize Obito and the second twin and keep the birth from going wrong, Kakashi just happens to be the only one in the room with free hands. It’s been over a decade since he’s held someone this tiny and fragile, but his hands are steady as he gently wipes the too-quiet boy clean and settles him against his shoulder.

He has no idea what names, if any, the couple has picked out, but he needs _something_ to refer to the boy by. “There, there, little Chiharu. No need to be worried. Your twin will be fine, ne? Just rest. There’s a good boy.”

Fortunately, that seems to have already been in the plans, because Kakashi is _not fond_ of kiddies screaming in his ear. But at the same time, it’s a bit worrisome for a newborn to be so quiet and sleepy.

The Hokage gives him a curious look that he doesn’t know how to interpret, but says nothing, so Kakashi doesn’t think twice about it.

Two hours later, Kakashi is half asleep with the scent of content baby under his nose, and startles a little when he is handed a second child, this one cleaned and checked over properly.

“It’s a girl.” The nurse says perfunctorily.

“Ah.” Is all Kakashi has to say about that, peering down at the little screamer. This one is smaller than her brother, but she certainly has a good set of lungs on her. That makes sense, really, since girls are usually the noisier half of the species _(Gai exempted)_. He joggles her gently, trying to get her to calm down before her brother joins in the screaming. “Hush now, Chiasa. There’s a good girl. You’re all clean and dry now, and your nii-san is right here.”

Happily, she pays attention to the half-chiding, half-soothing tone and settles down from wails to muted sobs for a few minutes before wearing herself out enough to fall asleep.

A bit later, he looks up to see the Hokage staring down at him. “Hokage-sama?”

Tobirama touches a finger to each babe, then hmms. “Chiharu Senju and Chiasa Uchiha. Interesting names you chose.”

“Saa…” Kakashi flushes. “I didn’t mean to…” He hadn’t meant for his names for them to be taken as their official names.

“It’s fine, Kakashi-kun. We were still arguing over names and had yet to choose one, much less two. The doctor tells me that the births could have been far more complicated if you hadn’t been there to bring him in immediately.”

Coming from the Hokage, Kakashi knows that’s as good as a sincere thank you and declaration of debt all rolled into one, but it makes him uncomfortable. “Anyone would have done the same.”

“No. _Anyone_ might’ve tried to make him comfortable and have sent for medics, but not just _anyone_ would have personally carried him to the hospital and then stayed with him.”

“Gai would’ve.” He points out.

“I think you made my point for me.” The Hokage says in a dust dry tone.

Kakashi winces because _okay, that’s fair_. Gai is anything _but_ normal by both civilian and shinobi standards.

“You will be named their godfather.”

“What? No!” He yelps, shocked.

“You made sure they were safe, named them, and they like you. Of course you will.”

He eyes Tobirama’s expression, then sighs, because obviously the decision has already been made and any input from him will be simply ignored or talked over. Even if he _really doesn’t_ need more kids to be responsible for in _any_ manner.

“Saa, fine. If you put it like that.” Kakashi relents, not bothering to modulate the mopiness out of his tone.

“Excellent.” The Hokage gives him a toothy smile, obviously amused at his reaction.

_Great. Just what he needed. To be the Hokage’s personal entertainment for the day. Getting up this morning was obviously an unrectifiable error._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shishimi-written as ‘lion’ and ‘beautiful’. Currently 19. Hatake looks, but built a little sturdier. 5’6” She’s actually pretty laid back and friendly when not dealing with her family’s dramatics, but _very, very_ determined when she wants something. Jounin and med-nin.  
>  Parents: Sakumo Hatake (d); Ayumu Shiranui (father of Genma) (d).  
>  _Siblings: Genma Shiranui (older half-brother, currently 27); Kakashi Hatake (older half-brother, currently 24); Torako Hatake (younger half-sister); Kumakichi Hatake(adoptive younger brother); Tsurumi Hatake (younger half-sister)._
> 
> Torako-written as ‘tiger’ and ‘child’. Currently 14. Hatake looks, but has strands of red in among the silver, which gives her hair a light orange appearance. Doesn’t look like it, but she’s even sturdier built than Shishimi. 5’2” Front-line fighter type with a hot temper and nasty sneaky streak that gives her team an edge. Scheduled to take the jounin exam soon.  
> Parents: Sakumo Hatake (d); Gorou Uzumaki, perpetual bachelor from a minor branch of the clan, sometimes drops off packages from his mother for Torako, but otherwise avoids his daughter like the plague.  
>  _Siblings: Kakashi Hatake (older half-brother); Shishimi Hatake (older half-sister); Kumakichi Hatake (adoptive younger brother); Tsurumi Hatake (younger half-sister)._
> 
> Kumakichi-written as ‘bear’ and ‘fortunate’. Currently 12. Built very sturdily and tall for his age group. 5’4” Intelligent, happy and sweet, he’s much calmer and shyer than any of his sisters. Newly minted genin.  
> Bio parents: Danzo Shimura (bearer) (d); father unknown (aka. From genetic material of an obscure ninja bloodline, illicitly procured by Root, but there wasn’t a record kept of it by Danzo, so no one will know unless by some coincidence they get a sample from a better documented source). Kuma takes largely after the unknown side of his heritage.  
> Adoptive father: Sakumo Hatake (d).  
>  _Siblings: Kakashi Hatake (older adoptive brother); Shishimi Hatake (older adoptive sister); Torako Hatake (older adoptive sister); Tsurumi Hatake (younger adoptive sister)._
> 
> Tsurumi-written as ‘stork/crane; long life and good fortune’ and ‘beautiful’. Currently 11 ½. Very Hatake in looks and build, her premature birth means she’s still a bit smaller and more delicately built than she would be otherwise. 4’9” Aggressively objects to being treated as fragile and hates that her health actual is a bit under par still, though it’s been catching up nicely. She is good about following the doctor’s orders, even if she protests vehemently and frequently. Determined to prove herself and _all about the drama_. Very agile and likes aerial moves. Has no compunction about using her brother as a jungle gym. Has one year of Academy left, though she’s only about half a year younger than Kumakichi.  
>  Parents: Sakumo Hatake (d); Isamu Arai, non-clan shinobi, died of a summer cold not long after Tsurumi’s birth, another reason the doctors fuss over her health (d).  
>  _Siblings: Kakashi Hatake (older half-brother); Shishimi Hatake (older half-sister); Torako Hatake (older half-sister); Kumakichi (adoptive older brother)._
> 
> Ensui Nara: Nara clan member. Currently 32. He’s not quite sure how he ended up dating Shishimi, much less meeting her brothers/family, but he is sure that arguing with Shishimi over it is too troublesome to bother with.  
> His aunt is Yuho (written ‘dream’ and ‘walk’) Kurama, who is the current Kurama Clan head’s half-sister. Her husband (and former teammate) is Jiraiya, who was adopted into the Kurama clan. They have one son, who looks like a large, white-haired Nara more than anything, and who will probably become the next Clan Head when the current Clan Heiress proves unable to control her own abilities. Both Yuho and her son are skilled in genjutsu, and while they aren’t allowed to learn advanced Nara techniques, picking up basic ones is something they’ve both done, though Yuho is better at both, since she’s a bit brighter than her son.
> 
> Chiharu- written as ‘a thousand (years)’ and ‘clear skies’. Obito’s and Tobirama’s eldest son. Twin to Chiasa.
> 
> Chiasa- written as ‘a thousand (years)’ and ‘morning’. Obito’s and Tobirama’s second child and oldest daughter. Twin to Chiharu.
> 
> Thinking about Danzo having sex gives me the willies. Does it give you the willies? Anyways, I chickened out and went the artificial insemination route, which he probably knew enough medical jutsu to do on his own. The, ah, 'donor' was a prisoner briefly of Root before being killed. Headcanon that keeping genetic samples of non-Konoha bloodlines is something Danzo does habitually. But he wasn't expecting to get jutsued and was extremely annoyed over it. He didn't even give Kuma' a name. The birth certificate read 'baby Shimura'. And Sakumo named Kumakichi when he adopted him.


End file.
